Friday, September 21, 2012

Deja Vu

It's been a while since I last posted.  I've been putting it off and putting it off, until now when I finally said enough is enough.  Time to put on my big girl panties and just do it.

First of all, I'm not posting any pics or numbers because they haven't changed.  At all.  I've been trying, but nothing's changed.  My weight has been the same since the beginning.  I have been losing and gaining the same 3 pounds.  My pants fit the way they always have, which is the change I'm looking for. I want the numbers to down on the scale, but I'm more interested in the numbers on the those tags going down.

And I'm very frustrated, and almost defeated that they haven't.  Over the past 6 weeks I have been at the gym 3 to 4 times per week.  I always do cardio, and I strength train twice a week.  I'm really pushing myself with the strength training because I know that muscle burns more than fat, and if I want to ever eat more than 1200 calories a day I'm going to need more muscle.

And the calorie count?  I've stuck to it.  I may once week go over by 100 calories, but never more than that.  And most days I'm under by about 50 calories, not too much because that can just as detrimental to weight loss as going over.  Your body goes into starvation mode and holds onto the calories.

Part of me wants to say "what's the point of all this if nothing changes?"  But most of me knows that it will.  I just have to keep trying.  By giving up in the past when I reached this point has left me with the shape I have.

So I will work harder at the gym.  I will push myself harder on the elliptical, and add some weight to the reps on the weight machines.  I cannot add time to my workout because I'm there as long as I can be.  But I will add days to the week that I go, instead of 3 to 4 I can push it to 4 to 5, maybe 6.

And I can look over what I'm eating.  I'm not sure how much wiggle room I have there though.  Not a lot you can do with only 1200 calories.  And if after another month there's still no change, I'll make an appointment with my doctor to see if there's something going on that preventing the weight from going.

But what I will not do is give up.  And when that voice in my head that pops up that says this is all pointless, I mostly tell it to shut up.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Be About It

A couple points to make this week, and I can't promise to be brief.  I can promise to be honest.
I don't want anyone to think that this blog is just about weight-loss, because it is not.  It is about my life and what is going on it at the time I'm writing.  Working to get into better shape is not my only focus.  I want a better body, but I also want a better life.  As I stated before, I am not happy with the shape of my body.  So I can learn to be happy with it (which hasn't happened in about 15 years so I don't see that changing any time soon) or I can finally do something about.  Instead of thinking about it and talking about and wishing about it.  DOING something about it.  So that is what I am doing.  I have become pretty diligent about logging everything.  I use MyFitnessPal to log what I eat, how I exercise and how often, and how much water I drink.  I think I've only missed one day in the last 2 weeks.  And it really helped me yesterday.  Normally when I think I've blown it for the day, I really go all out and totally blow it.  But yesterday I sat down for a few minutes and logged everything (good thing I've got a good memory!) and found out that I hadn't really blown it and was able to have a couple squares of dark chocolate with a glass of wine.
As far as exercise goes, last week was tough for me.  I made it to the gym 3 times last week which is one short of my realistic goal.  My fantasy goal is 5-6 times a week.  I'm doing a program for beginning runners, which is a category I fall into because I haven't really run since I was on the track team in 8th grade.  I found the program on Pinterest, here.  I'm up to week 3 and next week I'm going to start week 4.  I'm also going to really start to focus on strength because muscle burns more calories than fat does.  And if I want to be able to eat more than 1200 calories a day, I'm gonna need more muscle.  But the good news is that even though I didn't work out as much as I wanted to last week, I didn't gain any weight.  I do have a goal weight of 125-130 in mind, but I have a goal pants size that is more important.  125-130 the way I am now would still be unhealthy cuz there's a lot more jiggle than there should be.  I'm aiming for a size 8, which I think is realistic.  If I work really hard I can do a 6, but I think I like food too much and exercise not enough for that to be a reality.
And in the interest of a better life, I am trying to be a more patient person.  I can be really impatient and short tempered.  I'm really working on that because I'm starting to feel how that is impacting my life.  I used to get upset if I was waiting in line at the checkout and the person in front of me was taking FOREVER to count out the exact change.  To.  The.  Penny.  Now I take that time to breath and think over what I have in my cart: do I really need it?  did I forget anything?  And I think that maybe that person in front of me is on a strict budget.
I'm also trying to be a more present mom.  As any parent of small kids will tell you, sometimes it is a tedious job.  And sadly enough you can get by with the rote "Oh Wow!" responses all too often, without really knowing what your child said.  But I recently read somewhere to listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what.  Because if you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big.  Because to them all of it has always been big stuff.
I'm not posting any before and after pics this week, because there really hasn't been any changes.  Same goes for no measurements.  But I promise next week to post the pics and the details.  I would also like to encourage anyone thinking of getting into shape to contact me.  We may not be able to workout side by side, but we can still encourage each other and keep each other accountable.  We can also trade tips and recipes.
I hope everyone is having a great Labor Day Weekend!!!

Monday, August 27, 2012

Just the facts ma'am

I'm at week 2 with my "lifestyle" change. It's been interesting and hard. My new motto is "quit slacking and make shit happen". It's the longer version of "just do it". And to be honest it's helped me not just with working out, but with other things too.
A couple weeks ago I posted about trying to come up with a schedule that works for this family. Well, I came up with one. Sticking to it is another story. I guess you can say it's a work in progress. But at least it's not dead in the water! We're sticking to the spirit of it, and working together on it.
One thing I have stuck with is the diet and exercise. I hit the gym after dropping the munchkin at school. It's only a mile from his school. I only had time one day last week for strength training because of different things, but I've been trying a training routine for beginner runners. And I'm really happy with my progress. So here are week 1 and 2 pics, and the new stats. Minus the measurements. I'm also posting my cardio stats, cuz I'm really happy with them!
Week 1 weight: 158.6
Week 2 weight: 155.6
Monday 1.27 miles 20 minutes
Tuesday .98 miles 15 minutes
Wednesday 1.27 miles 20 minutes
Thursday 1.35 miles 21 minutes
And I've been under my calorie goal every day, except Monday.
I'm going to try to post every week on my progress. Next week I'll link to a few sites that I use for inspiration. I'm using for tracking. If you'd like to follow my progress there, my user name is ChnkyMomNoMo.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

It's now or never!

In my last post I promised to post some before pics, along with all the measurements.  Oy vey!  How I am dreading hitting publish on this post.  But doing so pushes me to a new level.  This will no longer be a fantasy in my head.  No longer something I talk about occasionally.  It will be something that I have to do.  Because now I am accountable.  I am accountable to all of you who actually read this and give a shit.
But now is time to be honest.  Brutally, painfully honest.  I am not happy with the way I look.  I don't think I have ever been truly happy about my looks, but then who is?  Jennifer Aniston probably, but lets face it.  The girl is pretty damn perfect.
Anyway, back to me.  So, yeah.  Really unhappy with my looks.  And I now there's the whole "you're over had two babies...blah blah blah".  Don't get me wrong, I look at my kids and am amazed that I made them.  I MADE them.  In my body.  That's pretty damn amazing right there.  But they have been evicted.  And as I am no longer breast-feeding, my body is mine again.  To do with what I choose.  And no matter what excuses I have made to myself and others over the years, the way I look is a choice I have made.  Every time I eat when I'm not really hungry.  Or eat some fat-laden calorie bomb over the more healthy options.  Every time I sat on my ass watching tv or reading instead of being active.  Every time I drove 2 minutes instead of walking.  Every time I did that I chose to stay this way.
Well, I can't do that any more.  I AM over 30.  And every year that goes by means it gets that much harder to change what's here.  It also means another year of being unhappy.  And while there are health risks that I am trying to avoid by getting my weight in check, I'm being honest here.  I'm tired of being the chubby one.
Sooooooo....without further ado...or more are the gory details:

I am now at 158.6 pounds.  And here are the measurements: 
Arms: R 12.5" L 12.5"
Bust: 40"
Waist: 36.5"
Hips: 43.5"
Thighs: R 23 L 23
I don't want to get super skinny, or all scary-ripped.  I like my curves.  It's the rolls I'm not fond of.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Two stone...all that jazz

You would think from the title that this is going to be a post about all that I have accomplished with a minimum of effort.  Well, you'd be wrong.  This is going to be a post of all that I hope to accomplish.  And I'm pretty sure it's going to take a lot of effort.
So I blogged before about the schedule.  Henceforth to be known as "The SCHEDULE".  It's in all caps because it's just that important.  I know it's been over 3 years since Hector was deployed, but I just remember that time as well-organized.  At least it was well-routined.  With that routine I was able to accomplish a lot, and I had time to play with my son.  Since he's returned I have tried desperately to adhere to some sort of routine.  Unfortunately I have been derailed at many occasions.  One big obstacle was that over the past three years our lives have been so uncertain.  We never knew how much longer we'd be living some place, so it always felt so temporary.  When a place is temporary, there's really no need for a routine.
Another obstacle was, and is, the fact that my husband suffers from PTSD and mTBI.  For those of you unfamiliar with those two diagnosis, I forgive you your naivety and not understanding what those two things mean for establishing and maintaining a routine.  Trying to maintain a routine when one half of the partnership exists in chaos is difficult at the best of times and impossible the rest of times.
But we have reached a tenuous agreement that I will make up a schedule, and he will adhere to it.
So I am hopeful that we will return so semblance of normal, and my kids will reach some state of calm.  Those of you with kids will understand that children blossom when things in their life are constant and certain.  Those of you with kids with ADHD will especially understand this.  My son is much better able to control his impulses when he has a routine to look forward to.
And I will be better able to handle my life when there is a routine.  Up until now I have been struggling to get things done.  I have been scrambling to get things done on time more than I like to admit.  This means that my grades and everything else has suffered.
I have long wanted to get back into shape, but with no routine in place that has been difficult.
All that changes Monday.  On Monday we will have a routine.  And part of that is I go to the gym after bringing Munchkin to school.  I have worked homework time into that and a cleaning schedule.
And I'm asking for help.  I'm asking for some of you to keep me accountable.  I am going to do something dreaded by many women and make not just my before pictures public, but will also be posting the before measurements.  I'm going to do weekly pics, and monthly measurements.  Please keep help me stay motivated, and true to my course.  Of course I want to look better (anyone who says differently is a damn liar).  But equal to that is to stay healthy.  There's a lot of scary stuff in my family's history, and maintaining a healthy weight and diet will help me avoid the scary stuff.  So feel free to question me on my timeline on Facebook as to how I'm doing.  Making this as public as possible will help me stick to it this time.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

One month down

So we've been in Florida for just over a month now.  And we're finally getting to the point where there isn't a catastrophe every other day.  The boxes are pretty all unpacked.  Which is something that we didn't accomplish in West Point, and were there for over a year.  Things are slowly falling into place.
I've done up Monday through Friday schedule that Hector has agreed to follow.  I've left weekends to fun and whimsy.  In that schedule I've built in gym time and homework time.  I've tried to do the gym-when-I-can thing.  So far, it hasn't really worked out.  Ok, it hasn't worked at all.  Geez you're pushy.  I've been a member of Planet Fitness for almost a month now, and I've been a grand total of 3 times.  Yup, less than once a week.  I want to go, but I've been trying to do it at the end of the day, once the kids are in bed.  Yeah, once the kids are in bed I'm plastered to the couch watching something On Demand.
 As for homework time, I've been fitting that in around everyone else's stuff.  And while my grades haven't suffered for it, they haven't exactly soared either.  Instead of my normal A or B with the occasional C, I've been mostly a B student.  When I know with time and dedication I can be an A student.
But I really do like it here in Florida.  I have a feeling we're going to be happy here.  Soon as we start to make friends.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

And the beat goes on...

My house is empty.  No couch or chairs, no beds, no dishes.  Where is everything you ask?  Well, it is on it's way to a new life in Florida.  My furniture is not the only thing getting new life.  We found a house in Orlando.  It's a rental for now, but hopefully in a year we'll be able to buy.  So we're moving to Florida!  The sunshine state.  For a new start.  As of August 9 we will officially be civilians.  No more military.  No more Army.  We will finally have a real life.  And I am so very excited to start that new life.   A normal life.  Sounds like heaven.

And I'm very excited to start doing some of the crafty things I've pinned on Pinterest.  I have so many ideas for the kids rooms and our bedroom and the kitchen and the yard.  That's right, I'm going to try my hand at gardening.

I'm going to find a gym and get really serious about getting in shape.  I've got a few ideas on how to finally do that.  It's probably going to involve making one dinner for the family and one for me, but it'll be worth the sacrifice.  And if I'm paying for a gym I'll probably be more likely to actually go there...once in a while.

So wish me luck on this new part of my journey on this crazy roller coaster called life.