Friday, September 21, 2012

Deja Vu

It's been a while since I last posted.  I've been putting it off and putting it off, until now when I finally said enough is enough.  Time to put on my big girl panties and just do it.

First of all, I'm not posting any pics or numbers because they haven't changed.  At all.  I've been trying, but nothing's changed.  My weight has been the same since the beginning.  I have been losing and gaining the same 3 pounds.  My pants fit the way they always have, which is the change I'm looking for. I want the numbers to down on the scale, but I'm more interested in the numbers on the those tags going down.

And I'm very frustrated, and almost defeated that they haven't.  Over the past 6 weeks I have been at the gym 3 to 4 times per week.  I always do cardio, and I strength train twice a week.  I'm really pushing myself with the strength training because I know that muscle burns more than fat, and if I want to ever eat more than 1200 calories a day I'm going to need more muscle.

And the calorie count?  I've stuck to it.  I may once week go over by 100 calories, but never more than that.  And most days I'm under by about 50 calories, not too much because that can just as detrimental to weight loss as going over.  Your body goes into starvation mode and holds onto the calories.

Part of me wants to say "what's the point of all this if nothing changes?"  But most of me knows that it will.  I just have to keep trying.  By giving up in the past when I reached this point has left me with the shape I have.

So I will work harder at the gym.  I will push myself harder on the elliptical, and add some weight to the reps on the weight machines.  I cannot add time to my workout because I'm there as long as I can be.  But I will add days to the week that I go, instead of 3 to 4 I can push it to 4 to 5, maybe 6.

And I can look over what I'm eating.  I'm not sure how much wiggle room I have there though.  Not a lot you can do with only 1200 calories.  And if after another month there's still no change, I'll make an appointment with my doctor to see if there's something going on that preventing the weight from going.

But what I will not do is give up.  And when that voice in my head that pops up that says this is all pointless, I mostly tell it to shut up.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Be About It

A couple points to make this week, and I can't promise to be brief.  I can promise to be honest.
I don't want anyone to think that this blog is just about weight-loss, because it is not.  It is about my life and what is going on it at the time I'm writing.  Working to get into better shape is not my only focus.  I want a better body, but I also want a better life.  As I stated before, I am not happy with the shape of my body.  So I can learn to be happy with it (which hasn't happened in about 15 years so I don't see that changing any time soon) or I can finally do something about.  Instead of thinking about it and talking about and wishing about it.  DOING something about it.  So that is what I am doing.  I have become pretty diligent about logging everything.  I use MyFitnessPal to log what I eat, how I exercise and how often, and how much water I drink.  I think I've only missed one day in the last 2 weeks.  And it really helped me yesterday.  Normally when I think I've blown it for the day, I really go all out and totally blow it.  But yesterday I sat down for a few minutes and logged everything (good thing I've got a good memory!) and found out that I hadn't really blown it and was able to have a couple squares of dark chocolate with a glass of wine.
As far as exercise goes, last week was tough for me.  I made it to the gym 3 times last week which is one short of my realistic goal.  My fantasy goal is 5-6 times a week.  I'm doing a program for beginning runners, which is a category I fall into because I haven't really run since I was on the track team in 8th grade.  I found the program on Pinterest, here.  I'm up to week 3 and next week I'm going to start week 4.  I'm also going to really start to focus on strength because muscle burns more calories than fat does.  And if I want to be able to eat more than 1200 calories a day, I'm gonna need more muscle.  But the good news is that even though I didn't work out as much as I wanted to last week, I didn't gain any weight.  I do have a goal weight of 125-130 in mind, but I have a goal pants size that is more important.  125-130 the way I am now would still be unhealthy cuz there's a lot more jiggle than there should be.  I'm aiming for a size 8, which I think is realistic.  If I work really hard I can do a 6, but I think I like food too much and exercise not enough for that to be a reality.
And in the interest of a better life, I am trying to be a more patient person.  I can be really impatient and short tempered.  I'm really working on that because I'm starting to feel how that is impacting my life.  I used to get upset if I was waiting in line at the checkout and the person in front of me was taking FOREVER to count out the exact change.  To.  The.  Penny.  Now I take that time to breath and think over what I have in my cart: do I really need it?  did I forget anything?  And I think that maybe that person in front of me is on a strict budget.
I'm also trying to be a more present mom.  As any parent of small kids will tell you, sometimes it is a tedious job.  And sadly enough you can get by with the rote "Oh Wow!" responses all too often, without really knowing what your child said.  But I recently read somewhere to listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what.  Because if you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big.  Because to them all of it has always been big stuff.
I'm not posting any before and after pics this week, because there really hasn't been any changes.  Same goes for no measurements.  But I promise next week to post the pics and the details.  I would also like to encourage anyone thinking of getting into shape to contact me.  We may not be able to workout side by side, but we can still encourage each other and keep each other accountable.  We can also trade tips and recipes.
I hope everyone is having a great Labor Day Weekend!!!