What it means to be a strong mom
This video right here gets me right in the feels. So many feels when I watch it.
I have mentioned some of this before, but I'm going to repeat it for the sake of this post. To make it make more sense.
I am 35 years old, and I have spent most of my life hating my body. I've hated the belly rolls and the thunder thighs and the flappy arms. So many people have tried to help by saying "you look fine" and "you're not that big" and my favorite (not) "your body gave birth to two kids". None of that did anything for me. As much as I wanted to believe that, and would just smile and nod, inside my head I was scoffing at them like an MF'er. When you're not happy with your body there is not anything in the world that anyone can say to change that. That has to come from within. That had to come from me, and me alone. It had to become my truth. And slowly, this video has become my truth.
A lot of that change came from when I joined Crossfit Outspoken in April. It's been just over three months, but those three months have changed so much for me. I'm still not happy with the way I look, but I'm getting better about it. You know what? I may not be a size 6 but I lifted one hundred and eighteen motherfucking pounds today in a sumo deadlift. I may not be able to rock a bikini like I did when I was 17 but I did 9 rounds of burpees and deadlifts. I may not have a six pack but yesterday I PR'd on my split jerk. I'm getting better and better at keeping my form correct for these movements. THIS is the legacy I will leave to my children. Giving up is easy, oh so easy. It's easy to give in to that voice in your head that says "slow down you can't breathe. No one is going to know that you didn't really give it your all" while I'm in the middle of box jumps and slam balls, or running and doing burpees. But I'll know. And I can't expect anything to change if I keep doing what I've always done. So I push hard and end the WOD gasping for air like a fish out of water, but I finished it and I worked HARD. And now I chose to focus on the positive like that and ignore the insidious voice in my head that says "give up". I may never get the body I've always wanted, but the body I've got is capable of so much more than I ever gave it credit for. And that is what I want my kids to see. They'll never hear me say anything negative about my body because I don't want them to inherit my insecurities. I want them to inherit the strength I'm learning that I have. The perseverance to push through and finish when I'm gasping for breath and dripping sweat. The stubbornness that won't allow me to quit. And that is pretty damn amazing. I know my kids see this and they are learning this. My daughter will imitate the things she sees me doing in crossfit. My son will just randomly get up and do a few burpees.